On Feelings of Embarrassment.

4

September 20, 2013 by jeliwobble

Today, I will be entertaining my new baby group at my house. One of the ladies I know really well, I know another in an acquaintance capacity, and the other two I met last week at our first group.

As we know, my house is *full*. I have barely enough space for the people in it, let alone the things those people own. Given the fact those people mostly *never* put anything away, the place sometimes resembles that part of an episode of Hoarders where they’re halfway through the clearing and there are black bags everywhere, things in piles to be sorted and trash still scattered around. That last bit drives me potty. The two middle children find it impossible to get up off their butts and put their packets in the bin. Why is this so hard?!

Not only that, but I am the owner of two long haired girls, one messy and increasingly long haired boy, one long haired cat who seems to shed enough hair for three cats (he’s a Maine Coon and *huge*), and a husband who does nothing all day but work (and at the moment that’s work at getting a job). The place gets fuzzy. A lot.

Also being the owner of a reasonably small baby, the opportunity for house work is limited to 2-3 hours interspersed throughout the day, during which I also have to cook meals, hang washing and write blogs (*grin*). Vacuuming is so far down my list of priorities, that it’s lucky if it gets done twice a week…it’s usually once at best.

So, I spent the vast majority of my Sunday last weekend cleaning. I washed walls and paintwork. I scrubbed floors and then washed them again. I dusted and wiped and freshened and plumped.

I also *still* made dinner and hung washing but didn’t write a blog – the one that was published was a scheduled one 😉

The smallest child contentedly sat and watched the same Baby Einstein three times through without complaint, while I did some of it!

Even with all the scrubbing and cleaning and over-use of bleach, I am *still* sitting here, looking at my fairly tidy, most definitely clean, living space with a vaguely embarrassed feeling, thinking ‘Ugh, everyone else’s house is much nicer and cleaner and tidier than mine’.

I know that, in reality, I must remember that if they can’t take me as I come, they don’t have to take me at all. But it’s hard to swallow that embarrassment down, even though your rational brain is screaming at you to do so!

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4 thoughts on “On Feelings of Embarrassment.

  1. Debbie says:

    Jo i truly love reading your journals. i think you are fab. Why on earth would someone like you be worried about your house???

  2. Debbie says:

    I guess. You make so much sense. I feel I could chew the fat with you for hours. I wouldn’t give a hoot about surroundings. You come across like a loving mother and wife and all round good egg. Don’t sweat the petty things x

  3. Debbie says:

    FWIW you’re right (As usual) I always feel people judge but alwyas pretend I don’t care but actually do.

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